8 potential warriors are growing. . .culled down from 13.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
~Psalm 139:13-16
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
"More blessed to give than to receive." ~Acts 20:35
I realize that this post is a bit overdue, but life has been very busy for the Line family these past few weeks, what with driving back and forth to Jackson every other day, birthday "pottys," youth group, Nonnie and Papa coming to town, etc., etc., etc. While the list of things to do continues to grow, I wanted to find time to post this picture, if for no other reason than to remind me to take time to be "different" and to serve others in the midst of the chaos that life, here lately, has continued to hurl our way.
This is a picture of Sam, sitting on our front doorstep, on Halloween night. Maybe to those of you who don't really know Sam, this picture might not seem like a big deal. . .but for those of you who do know him, you know that he (like his mama) RARELY sits still. . .yet, here he is, my heart, in his Wall-E costume that he had begged us for for the 2 months leading up to Halloween. All week long, he had asked me EVERY day if "today" was Halloween, and I would pick him up, walk him over to the calendar, take his little hand, and physically count backwards from Halloween to whatever day it actually happened to be. He was so excited at the prospect of getting dressed up, seeing his friends dress up, trick-or-treating with his neighborhood friends and some of the "Big Gulls" from our youth group, and most importantly. . .GETTING CANDY (poor kid. . .he so rarely gets candy at home that the thought of being given mountains of free candy was more than he could stand). Needless to say, when 5:45 rolled around on Friday, October 31, Sam Wall-E Line was READY TO ROLL!!!!
Armed with his "smiley-face punkin candy bucket," because, as he told everyone who opened their door, "My candy bucket isn't sca-wee because my mama says that Jesus doesn't like Halloween," (which, by the way, I NEVER said that), Sam took to the streets in search of candy nirvana. The first door opens, Sam almost falls over himself as he screams in the most high-pitched, above-the-sound-barrier squeal. . ."TWICK OWR TWEAT. PWEASE!!!!" (He had rehearsed all week). As our now deaf neighbor reaches for the candy bucket, Sam invites himself into her home, just as he would the next 10 houses that we visited. . .he apparently thought that, not only was Halloween a night of free candy, but it was also a neighborhood open house designed just for him to come in and play with other childrens' toys. Pulling him out of our neighbor's home, I apologize and then listen in horror as Sam inspects his first treasures of the night and replies, "Um, Esscuse me, Miss (Her name shall remain anonymous). . .is this candy safe for me? I fink that it wooks wike a chocwate candy baw, and chocwate is not safe for me. He-uh, you can have it back, I don't want to go to the hospital (wait for it) AGAIN!" I so desperately wanted to spend the next 2 hours explaining to my precious neighbor that my child was not, in fact, an ungrateful ragamuffin, he's just allergic to everything but cardboard, and maybe it wasn't such a good idea to take him trick-or-treating in light of this fact, but I didn't want to deprive him of any fun, oh and, by the way, his daddy has been out of town for a couple of days now, and his behavior tends to decline with each passing day that Robert is gone (what does this say about me as a mother. . .don't answer that), but at least Sam said excuse me before throwing her piece of bite-sized chocolate AWESOMENESS back into her nicely decorated Halloween candy dispenser. . . . Instead, I stood there in disbelief, my lower jaw firmly planted to her front door step, and watched as Wall-E sprinted in Carl Lewis-like fashion to the next house. I think I managed to get an, "uuummmm, ok-then, have a good evening," out of my mouth as I turned to pursue my preschooler. I arrived at the door of our next victim just in time to see Sam handing a piece of candy back to another neighbor. "Thanks," says my son, "But I don't fink that I'll be eating dat." This is pretty much the way that our night progressed for the next 8 houses; but I noticed around house number 4 that Wall-E was no longer running from house to house. . .rather, he was walking slowly, swinging his still empty smiley-faced "punkin" candy bucket in his right hand, holding my hand in his left.
We walked slowly down the street together, surrounded by the shouts of excitement and accomplishment of neighborhood children who were increasing their candy quantities with every doorbell ring. . .my heart was breaking. Behind his Wall-E mask, I could see his big, blue eyes welling up with tears. I stopped in front of a house and waved our friends along as I knelt down beside my precious son. "Sammy, are you alright? Mommy can see that you are sad about something, do you want to talk about it?" Deep Breath. . .Here it Comes. . ."Mommy," he says, his little voice cracking, "Everybody says that I'm different. I don't want to be different. I want to be like (he lists several of his friends)." "Oh Buddy!!! What do you mean people say that you are different?" "Well, when I am at school, I always have to eat away from evwyone else, and I don't get to eat the fings that they eat, and they all say I'm different. I know it's twoo, Mommy, because look (He points into his empty bucket)!"
Jehovah Jireh, provide me with the words to say, because right now, in my flesh, I want to track down some 3 year olds and give them a good talking to. . .and then the words start to flow. . . . "Son, I'm so proud of you for being different. I'm so thankful that Jesus gave you, and not someone else, to Daddy and me. You are different in so many ways, just like Mommy is different from Geegee, and Daddy is different from Papa. . .none of us are the same. . .that's how God created us. . .He created us to be different." Tears are still flowing at this point, but he's intently looking at me, so I continue, "Sam, if we were to be like everyone else in the world, how would we make a difference for Jesus? Remember our devotional the other day about being set apart?" He looks at me and says, "Do not conforwm to this world. . .Woe-mans 12:2" HE IS GETTING IT!!!! "Sam, do you see what is inside your bucket?" He looks in his bucket and replies, "Nuffin." "Right, nothing! Do you know that there are people who are like your bucket. They are filled with nothing. But when we have Jesus in our hearts, we are so full that you couldn't fit any more candy in our buckets, and when we get full like that, it's good to share what Jesus has given us with the people who have nothing. . .It takes a special kind of person to do that, son. . .Only someone who wants to be different for Jesus can do that." The tears have stopped, and he is now looking into his bucket again. "Does that make sense," I ask him. He looks up at me and says, "Mama, I fink I'm done wif dis twick-or-tweating stuff. I want to go home." I think that I said too much, and now, I've lost him; nonetheless, we turn around and start heading back towards the house. The sky is beginning to get dark, and the trick-or-treaters are out en masse now. As we approach the edge of our yard, we see a crowd of kids walking up our front sidewalk and Sam rips his hand from mine, Carl Lewis sprinting (once again) through our yard, up our front steps, and to the bucket of candy that I had left outside (which was still, surprisingly, full). What happened next still floors me some 3 weeks later. . .Sam proceeds to fill each child's bucket by the handfull. . .He was, by no means, conserving candy. I could hear kids telling each other to come to our house because some little boy was giving out "tons of candy," AND Sam told each visitor, "thank you for coming and be careful," which was a nice touch, I think. Once things died down a bit, I told him how proud I was of him for doing such a good job handing out candy, and that he was the friendliest Wall-E that I had ever seen. "Yeah," he said, "I fink I like giving candy away better than I like getting it. It's fun to fill buckets, Mama. . .I fink that when I fill buckets, Jesus doesn't mind Halloween so much. . .it makes Him happy."
Yes, my sweet son, I couldn't have said it better myself, filling buckets makes Jesus happy. . .even on Halloween!
This is a picture of Sam, sitting on our front doorstep, on Halloween night. Maybe to those of you who don't really know Sam, this picture might not seem like a big deal. . .but for those of you who do know him, you know that he (like his mama) RARELY sits still. . .yet, here he is, my heart, in his Wall-E costume that he had begged us for for the 2 months leading up to Halloween. All week long, he had asked me EVERY day if "today" was Halloween, and I would pick him up, walk him over to the calendar, take his little hand, and physically count backwards from Halloween to whatever day it actually happened to be. He was so excited at the prospect of getting dressed up, seeing his friends dress up, trick-or-treating with his neighborhood friends and some of the "Big Gulls" from our youth group, and most importantly. . .GETTING CANDY (poor kid. . .he so rarely gets candy at home that the thought of being given mountains of free candy was more than he could stand). Needless to say, when 5:45 rolled around on Friday, October 31, Sam Wall-E Line was READY TO ROLL!!!!
Armed with his "smiley-face punkin candy bucket," because, as he told everyone who opened their door, "My candy bucket isn't sca-wee because my mama says that Jesus doesn't like Halloween," (which, by the way, I NEVER said that), Sam took to the streets in search of candy nirvana. The first door opens, Sam almost falls over himself as he screams in the most high-pitched, above-the-sound-barrier squeal. . ."TWICK OWR TWEAT. PWEASE!!!!" (He had rehearsed all week). As our now deaf neighbor reaches for the candy bucket, Sam invites himself into her home, just as he would the next 10 houses that we visited. . .he apparently thought that, not only was Halloween a night of free candy, but it was also a neighborhood open house designed just for him to come in and play with other childrens' toys. Pulling him out of our neighbor's home, I apologize and then listen in horror as Sam inspects his first treasures of the night and replies, "Um, Esscuse me, Miss (Her name shall remain anonymous). . .is this candy safe for me? I fink that it wooks wike a chocwate candy baw, and chocwate is not safe for me. He-uh, you can have it back, I don't want to go to the hospital (wait for it) AGAIN!" I so desperately wanted to spend the next 2 hours explaining to my precious neighbor that my child was not, in fact, an ungrateful ragamuffin, he's just allergic to everything but cardboard, and maybe it wasn't such a good idea to take him trick-or-treating in light of this fact, but I didn't want to deprive him of any fun, oh and, by the way, his daddy has been out of town for a couple of days now, and his behavior tends to decline with each passing day that Robert is gone (what does this say about me as a mother. . .don't answer that), but at least Sam said excuse me before throwing her piece of bite-sized chocolate AWESOMENESS back into her nicely decorated Halloween candy dispenser. . . . Instead, I stood there in disbelief, my lower jaw firmly planted to her front door step, and watched as Wall-E sprinted in Carl Lewis-like fashion to the next house. I think I managed to get an, "uuummmm, ok-then, have a good evening," out of my mouth as I turned to pursue my preschooler. I arrived at the door of our next victim just in time to see Sam handing a piece of candy back to another neighbor. "Thanks," says my son, "But I don't fink that I'll be eating dat." This is pretty much the way that our night progressed for the next 8 houses; but I noticed around house number 4 that Wall-E was no longer running from house to house. . .rather, he was walking slowly, swinging his still empty smiley-faced "punkin" candy bucket in his right hand, holding my hand in his left.
We walked slowly down the street together, surrounded by the shouts of excitement and accomplishment of neighborhood children who were increasing their candy quantities with every doorbell ring. . .my heart was breaking. Behind his Wall-E mask, I could see his big, blue eyes welling up with tears. I stopped in front of a house and waved our friends along as I knelt down beside my precious son. "Sammy, are you alright? Mommy can see that you are sad about something, do you want to talk about it?" Deep Breath. . .Here it Comes. . ."Mommy," he says, his little voice cracking, "Everybody says that I'm different. I don't want to be different. I want to be like (he lists several of his friends)." "Oh Buddy!!! What do you mean people say that you are different?" "Well, when I am at school, I always have to eat away from evwyone else, and I don't get to eat the fings that they eat, and they all say I'm different. I know it's twoo, Mommy, because look (He points into his empty bucket)!"
Jehovah Jireh, provide me with the words to say, because right now, in my flesh, I want to track down some 3 year olds and give them a good talking to. . .and then the words start to flow. . . . "Son, I'm so proud of you for being different. I'm so thankful that Jesus gave you, and not someone else, to Daddy and me. You are different in so many ways, just like Mommy is different from Geegee, and Daddy is different from Papa. . .none of us are the same. . .that's how God created us. . .He created us to be different." Tears are still flowing at this point, but he's intently looking at me, so I continue, "Sam, if we were to be like everyone else in the world, how would we make a difference for Jesus? Remember our devotional the other day about being set apart?" He looks at me and says, "Do not conforwm to this world. . .Woe-mans 12:2" HE IS GETTING IT!!!! "Sam, do you see what is inside your bucket?" He looks in his bucket and replies, "Nuffin." "Right, nothing! Do you know that there are people who are like your bucket. They are filled with nothing. But when we have Jesus in our hearts, we are so full that you couldn't fit any more candy in our buckets, and when we get full like that, it's good to share what Jesus has given us with the people who have nothing. . .It takes a special kind of person to do that, son. . .Only someone who wants to be different for Jesus can do that." The tears have stopped, and he is now looking into his bucket again. "Does that make sense," I ask him. He looks up at me and says, "Mama, I fink I'm done wif dis twick-or-tweating stuff. I want to go home." I think that I said too much, and now, I've lost him; nonetheless, we turn around and start heading back towards the house. The sky is beginning to get dark, and the trick-or-treaters are out en masse now. As we approach the edge of our yard, we see a crowd of kids walking up our front sidewalk and Sam rips his hand from mine, Carl Lewis sprinting (once again) through our yard, up our front steps, and to the bucket of candy that I had left outside (which was still, surprisingly, full). What happened next still floors me some 3 weeks later. . .Sam proceeds to fill each child's bucket by the handfull. . .He was, by no means, conserving candy. I could hear kids telling each other to come to our house because some little boy was giving out "tons of candy," AND Sam told each visitor, "thank you for coming and be careful," which was a nice touch, I think. Once things died down a bit, I told him how proud I was of him for doing such a good job handing out candy, and that he was the friendliest Wall-E that I had ever seen. "Yeah," he said, "I fink I like giving candy away better than I like getting it. It's fun to fill buckets, Mama. . .I fink that when I fill buckets, Jesus doesn't mind Halloween so much. . .it makes Him happy."
Yes, my sweet son, I couldn't have said it better myself, filling buckets makes Jesus happy. . .even on Halloween!
Monday, November 10, 2008
So Here's the Update. . .
Thursday, July 31, 2008
As some of you may know, Robert and I met with Dr. John Isaacs, a fertility specialist in Jackson, this past Wednesday. Most of you know that we had tried for nearly 5 years to get pregnant with Sam, before the Lord finally blessed us with our awesome little man. . .needless to say, we knew that this time around could be a struggle. Fast forward 3 and a half years, and there we sat, in Dr. Isaacs office, after 1 successful pregnancy (Sam), 2 miscarriages over the course of the last 18 months, 6 months of Clomid, one laparoscopic surgery (6/24/08), and the conclusion that, 1. Sam Line is an ABSOLUTE miracle and 2. my fallopian tubes are "not friendly to embryos that are trying desperately to survive." (Let it be said that I already knew that Sam was our miracle baby, but I was beginning to assume that my reproductive organs might not be the greatest).Long story short, Dr. Isaacs informed us that, of all the procedures that he performs, the only one that he would recommend for us, because my situation requires that my tubes be bypassed completely, is In Vitro. To be honest, we had already anticipated this news, and though we are still trying to figure out where the money is going to come from, we understand that the Lord has led us down this path for a reason (Isa. 55:8-9), and we will begin preparing (oral medicine and shots) in August for our 1st (and hopefully, only) In Vitro procedure in late November. That being said, I will be in and out of Jackson no fewer than 10 times between now and early January when, if all goes according to schedule, Dr. Isaacs will perform a standard 6 week sonogram to either confirm or deny that our procedure was successful. In the meantime, if you feel so led, we would ask that you would just pray that Robert and I would maintain our desire to be obedient to the Lord's will for our lives and our family...to seek His will OVER ours, and to follow where He leads us (Isa.30:21). We are EXTREMELY wary of sacrificing our obedience for what appears to be a semi-convenient solution to our problem; but as I said earlier, I am convinced that the Lord has led us to this place for a reason, and my gut tells me that, ultimately, it is for HIS name to be glorified, regardless of the outcome (Rev. 15:4)! These past 8 years, and especially these past 18 months, He has drawn us closer to His heart than any other time in our lives, and we are SO thankful for the journey! I won't say that it has come easily or without much heartache, but we find so much comfort in the knowledge that we serve a God who loves us, and our children, passionately. . .He truly is our Jehova Jireh and our Jehovah Rapha. . .our hope IS in Him (Lamentations 3:25)!!!
In His Awesome Grip,
Tish
As some of you may know, Robert and I met with Dr. John Isaacs, a fertility specialist in Jackson, this past Wednesday. Most of you know that we had tried for nearly 5 years to get pregnant with Sam, before the Lord finally blessed us with our awesome little man. . .needless to say, we knew that this time around could be a struggle. Fast forward 3 and a half years, and there we sat, in Dr. Isaacs office, after 1 successful pregnancy (Sam), 2 miscarriages over the course of the last 18 months, 6 months of Clomid, one laparoscopic surgery (6/24/08), and the conclusion that, 1. Sam Line is an ABSOLUTE miracle and 2. my fallopian tubes are "not friendly to embryos that are trying desperately to survive." (Let it be said that I already knew that Sam was our miracle baby, but I was beginning to assume that my reproductive organs might not be the greatest).Long story short, Dr. Isaacs informed us that, of all the procedures that he performs, the only one that he would recommend for us, because my situation requires that my tubes be bypassed completely, is In Vitro. To be honest, we had already anticipated this news, and though we are still trying to figure out where the money is going to come from, we understand that the Lord has led us down this path for a reason (Isa. 55:8-9), and we will begin preparing (oral medicine and shots) in August for our 1st (and hopefully, only) In Vitro procedure in late November. That being said, I will be in and out of Jackson no fewer than 10 times between now and early January when, if all goes according to schedule, Dr. Isaacs will perform a standard 6 week sonogram to either confirm or deny that our procedure was successful. In the meantime, if you feel so led, we would ask that you would just pray that Robert and I would maintain our desire to be obedient to the Lord's will for our lives and our family...to seek His will OVER ours, and to follow where He leads us (Isa.30:21). We are EXTREMELY wary of sacrificing our obedience for what appears to be a semi-convenient solution to our problem; but as I said earlier, I am convinced that the Lord has led us to this place for a reason, and my gut tells me that, ultimately, it is for HIS name to be glorified, regardless of the outcome (Rev. 15:4)! These past 8 years, and especially these past 18 months, He has drawn us closer to His heart than any other time in our lives, and we are SO thankful for the journey! I won't say that it has come easily or without much heartache, but we find so much comfort in the knowledge that we serve a God who loves us, and our children, passionately. . .He truly is our Jehova Jireh and our Jehovah Rapha. . .our hope IS in Him (Lamentations 3:25)!!!
In His Awesome Grip,
Tish
". . .Yet will I hope in Him."
Monday, July 07, 2008
For those of you who are unaware (and I'm not sure that many of you factor in to that category at this point), Robert and I have dealt with fertility issues for the entirity of our married life together. With the exception of Sam who, I am increasingly more convinced, TRULY is our "Miracle" baby, we have always struggled physically with our God-given instruction to, "be fruitful and increase in number"(Gen. 9:1, 7).
Many of you know that, over the course of the past 16 months, Robert and I have surrendered 2 of our 3 children to the Lord. Words cannot begin to describe how my heart YEARNS to have held Isaac and Anna as I did (and still do) Samuel. So many times, day after day, I find myself wondering about our 2 "angels". . .not in terms of, "Are they ok," because I know that they are being held by the Creator of the Universe, whose arms are infinitely more capable than my own. . .but more in the sense of, will they know me when we meet for the first time in Eternity? Will they know how my heart broke for them? Will they know that I am their mother?
I must admit that I often chide myself for feeling sadness over 2 children whom, this side of Heaven, I will never know, when Robert and I have, through Samuel, been given our hearts' desire (I Sam. 1:27). He is the most AMAZING gift that we have ever received, short of our salvation, and we, daily, marvel at the Lord's faithfulness through our son. We are SO VERY BLESSED!!!
Two weeks ago, under the instruction of my doctor, I had elective surgery to "explore" my reproductive system. . .my doctor was concerned that, because of my bout with cervical cancer (Feb. 2004) and a history of ovarian cysts, there was irreparable damage to my reproductive organs, thereby explaining the difficulties that we have been experiencing. To make an EXTREMELY long story short, the surgery went well, NO scar tissue was found (PRAISE THE LORD), and my fallopian tubes, though oddly shaped, are completely open. . .there is NO doubt in my mind that the Lord took care of these issues because, scientifically speaking, I should have been COVERED in scar tissue!
My point in writing all of the aforementioned details is, believe it or not, only to provide background information, thereby allowing me to lead up to something that happened during my "patient registration" for surgery (sorry for the long-windedness). . .I was called back to a small room where, a gentleman began to ask me all of the typical questions that need to be asked for insurance purposes, blah, blah, blah, and throughout the course of the routine questioning, I believe, that the man began to realize that my situation has been an ongoing issue. He, about 10 minutes in to our time together, took his hands off of the computer keyboard and turned to face me. "Mrs. Line," he said, "Exactly how long have you and your husband been dealing with these issues?" To which I responded approximately 8 years, with an 8.5 month hiatus in there about 3 years ago (Sam). He explained that he was newly married, and that he and his wife had been, ". . .kicking around the idea of having a baby." Let me pause right here to say that, in my flesh, I wanted to jump across the desk grab his face in my hands and shout at the top of my lungs that children are GIFTS, not rights, and the thought of becoming a parent is NEVER one that should be "kicked around,". . .but I digress. . .I took a DEEP breath, and began to tell him our story. . .
After I had finished, he looked at me and said, "I don't mean to keep prying, but are you seriously that sure that all that you have experienced these past 8 years is part of the will of a loving God?" I referred him to the book of Job, a story that he admittedly was unfamiliar with, and I shared with him that many times, when I am feeling sorry for myself, I often read Job's story, and am inspired by Job's faith and his willingness to endure hardship, and praise the name of God Almighty (Job 1: 20-22/ Job 2:10/Job 13:15). If a man like Job, who loses EVERYTHING (family, earthly possessions, etc.) can praise his creator regardless of the fact that his material world is crumbling all around him, then I can (and should), in markedly less dire circumstances, do nothing short of the same!
I would LOVE to pretend that my conversation with that man ended in a salvation decision for him that day, but unfortunately, it did not. I can only pray that the Lord was able to use my desire to be His vessel as a tool with which to plant a seed in that man's heart. But this conversation has haunted me for the past 2 weeks. . .I've been unable to make it through the day without seeing that man's face in my mind and wondering whether or not I said the right thing. . .did I make a difference for my Savior, or did I blow it. Daily, I have asked the Lord to grant me some sort of confirmation in terms of the validity of my counsel to the gentleman in patient registration, and today, I HONESTLY opened to the following passage in my Bible during my quiet time:
17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. ....
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. ....
--Habakuk 3:17-19
I know that, even in times of "personal famine," when life is not happening the way that I would have hoped it would, my job is still to praise my Savior, my provider, my Healer. . .He IS my strength and my sustainer (Psalm 54:4). . .He is the one who allows me to find joy in the midst of life's storms. While I am not certain that the man in patient registration received that which I had shared with him that day, I DO know that, for me, Habakuk 3:17-19 offers a promise that my Savior will continue His faithfulness towards me reagardless of the difficulties that I may face, and that He will ALWAYS be WORTHY of my praise!
For those of you who are unaware (and I'm not sure that many of you factor in to that category at this point), Robert and I have dealt with fertility issues for the entirity of our married life together. With the exception of Sam who, I am increasingly more convinced, TRULY is our "Miracle" baby, we have always struggled physically with our God-given instruction to, "be fruitful and increase in number"(Gen. 9:1, 7).
Many of you know that, over the course of the past 16 months, Robert and I have surrendered 2 of our 3 children to the Lord. Words cannot begin to describe how my heart YEARNS to have held Isaac and Anna as I did (and still do) Samuel. So many times, day after day, I find myself wondering about our 2 "angels". . .not in terms of, "Are they ok," because I know that they are being held by the Creator of the Universe, whose arms are infinitely more capable than my own. . .but more in the sense of, will they know me when we meet for the first time in Eternity? Will they know how my heart broke for them? Will they know that I am their mother?
I must admit that I often chide myself for feeling sadness over 2 children whom, this side of Heaven, I will never know, when Robert and I have, through Samuel, been given our hearts' desire (I Sam. 1:27). He is the most AMAZING gift that we have ever received, short of our salvation, and we, daily, marvel at the Lord's faithfulness through our son. We are SO VERY BLESSED!!!
Two weeks ago, under the instruction of my doctor, I had elective surgery to "explore" my reproductive system. . .my doctor was concerned that, because of my bout with cervical cancer (Feb. 2004) and a history of ovarian cysts, there was irreparable damage to my reproductive organs, thereby explaining the difficulties that we have been experiencing. To make an EXTREMELY long story short, the surgery went well, NO scar tissue was found (PRAISE THE LORD), and my fallopian tubes, though oddly shaped, are completely open. . .there is NO doubt in my mind that the Lord took care of these issues because, scientifically speaking, I should have been COVERED in scar tissue!
My point in writing all of the aforementioned details is, believe it or not, only to provide background information, thereby allowing me to lead up to something that happened during my "patient registration" for surgery (sorry for the long-windedness). . .I was called back to a small room where, a gentleman began to ask me all of the typical questions that need to be asked for insurance purposes, blah, blah, blah, and throughout the course of the routine questioning, I believe, that the man began to realize that my situation has been an ongoing issue. He, about 10 minutes in to our time together, took his hands off of the computer keyboard and turned to face me. "Mrs. Line," he said, "Exactly how long have you and your husband been dealing with these issues?" To which I responded approximately 8 years, with an 8.5 month hiatus in there about 3 years ago (Sam). He explained that he was newly married, and that he and his wife had been, ". . .kicking around the idea of having a baby." Let me pause right here to say that, in my flesh, I wanted to jump across the desk grab his face in my hands and shout at the top of my lungs that children are GIFTS, not rights, and the thought of becoming a parent is NEVER one that should be "kicked around,". . .but I digress. . .I took a DEEP breath, and began to tell him our story. . .
After I had finished, he looked at me and said, "I don't mean to keep prying, but are you seriously that sure that all that you have experienced these past 8 years is part of the will of a loving God?" I referred him to the book of Job, a story that he admittedly was unfamiliar with, and I shared with him that many times, when I am feeling sorry for myself, I often read Job's story, and am inspired by Job's faith and his willingness to endure hardship, and praise the name of God Almighty (Job 1: 20-22/ Job 2:10/Job 13:15). If a man like Job, who loses EVERYTHING (family, earthly possessions, etc.) can praise his creator regardless of the fact that his material world is crumbling all around him, then I can (and should), in markedly less dire circumstances, do nothing short of the same!
I would LOVE to pretend that my conversation with that man ended in a salvation decision for him that day, but unfortunately, it did not. I can only pray that the Lord was able to use my desire to be His vessel as a tool with which to plant a seed in that man's heart. But this conversation has haunted me for the past 2 weeks. . .I've been unable to make it through the day without seeing that man's face in my mind and wondering whether or not I said the right thing. . .did I make a difference for my Savior, or did I blow it. Daily, I have asked the Lord to grant me some sort of confirmation in terms of the validity of my counsel to the gentleman in patient registration, and today, I HONESTLY opened to the following passage in my Bible during my quiet time:
17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. ....
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. ....
--Habakuk 3:17-19
I know that, even in times of "personal famine," when life is not happening the way that I would have hoped it would, my job is still to praise my Savior, my provider, my Healer. . .He IS my strength and my sustainer (Psalm 54:4). . .He is the one who allows me to find joy in the midst of life's storms. While I am not certain that the man in patient registration received that which I had shared with him that day, I DO know that, for me, Habakuk 3:17-19 offers a promise that my Savior will continue His faithfulness towards me reagardless of the difficulties that I may face, and that He will ALWAYS be WORTHY of my praise!
GREAT is Thy Faithfulness!!!!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
I don't know about you, but the Lord often ministers to my spirit through music. Time and again, I find myself humming the bars of an old hymn or current praise song only to realize, once I've stopped and mulled over the lyrics in my mind, that that particular song is incredibly relevant to wherever I am in my faith at that point in time. . .I hope this makes sense.
Just this morning, after I had dropped Sam off at school, I was running. . .had my headphones on, listening to some Pink Floyd, I think it was, and over the lyrics of Wish You Were Here, I started humming Great is Thy Faithfulness. . .something of a musical dichotomy, I know, but it was so cool how the Lord placed that hymn in my heart so strongly that I had to turn off my Walkman (yes, I still have a Walkman) and sing Great is Thy Faithfulness as I ran (much to the dismay, I'm sure, of anyone, or thing, that might have heard me. . .I think I saw a squirrel or two run for cover.) As my singing fell in line with the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, I had such an incredible peace consume me. You see, I do a great deal of my thinking when I run, which is kind of nice, and I enjoy the serenity of it. But this morning was special, because it was almost as though my Savior was using my time pounding the pavement to remind me that, even though life seems extremely uncertain at the moment, He is still faithful, and His faithfulness NEVER waivers. It was such a precious time, and I am humbled that He took those few moments to remind me of who He is.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;There is no shadow of turning with Thee;Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.Great is Thy faithfulness!Great is Thy faithfulness!Morning by morning new mercies I see.All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,Sun, moon and stars in their courses aboveJoin with all nature in manifold witnessTo Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.Pardon for sin and a peace that endurethThine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Praise the Lord for His unfailing love! Praise be to Him who delights in hiding me in the shelter of His wings (Psalm 61:4)!
I don't know about you, but the Lord often ministers to my spirit through music. Time and again, I find myself humming the bars of an old hymn or current praise song only to realize, once I've stopped and mulled over the lyrics in my mind, that that particular song is incredibly relevant to wherever I am in my faith at that point in time. . .I hope this makes sense.
Just this morning, after I had dropped Sam off at school, I was running. . .had my headphones on, listening to some Pink Floyd, I think it was, and over the lyrics of Wish You Were Here, I started humming Great is Thy Faithfulness. . .something of a musical dichotomy, I know, but it was so cool how the Lord placed that hymn in my heart so strongly that I had to turn off my Walkman (yes, I still have a Walkman) and sing Great is Thy Faithfulness as I ran (much to the dismay, I'm sure, of anyone, or thing, that might have heard me. . .I think I saw a squirrel or two run for cover.) As my singing fell in line with the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, I had such an incredible peace consume me. You see, I do a great deal of my thinking when I run, which is kind of nice, and I enjoy the serenity of it. But this morning was special, because it was almost as though my Savior was using my time pounding the pavement to remind me that, even though life seems extremely uncertain at the moment, He is still faithful, and His faithfulness NEVER waivers. It was such a precious time, and I am humbled that He took those few moments to remind me of who He is.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;There is no shadow of turning with Thee;Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.Great is Thy faithfulness!Great is Thy faithfulness!Morning by morning new mercies I see.All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,Sun, moon and stars in their courses aboveJoin with all nature in manifold witnessTo Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.Pardon for sin and a peace that endurethThine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Praise the Lord for His unfailing love! Praise be to Him who delights in hiding me in the shelter of His wings (Psalm 61:4)!
Please Pray for Us
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Please pray for our family. It seems that Satan is attacking us on all fronts here lately, and yet somewhere, sandwiched between our house issues, the Lord calling home two of our children over the course of this past year, infertility issues, Pop's lung cancer and now the uncertainty of his hip surgery, the Lord has maintained control over our lives, never once yielding even an inch to the enemy.
I love the Natalie Grant song, I Will Not Be Moved! The chorus states, "I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved. I will make mistakes, I will face heart aches, but I will not be moved. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. . .I will not be moved!" I pray daily to be so grounded in my relationship with the Lord that these words will be true of who I am in Him.
How calming it is, when we walk through valleys of uncertainty, to know that we are not walking alone; rather, we are being led through these valleys by a Savior who not only loves us, but who also knows that there is a mountain top just ahead that, once we've reached the summit, we will be able to look back over the valley that we've just crossed through and see it for what it really is. . .just another pit stop on our journey towards eternity!
I am humbled to know that my Savior loves us enough to carry us through these difficult times and to be our ". . .strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped." (Psa. 28:7). Job 13:15 states that, even in the most difficult of times, we are still to praise Him, and I would like to ask that, whosoever may find themselves reading this particular entry, they might pray that my boys and myself would be blessed with the ability to continue to praise our Savior in the midst of the storms that we are facing.
Phil. 1:3
Please pray for our family. It seems that Satan is attacking us on all fronts here lately, and yet somewhere, sandwiched between our house issues, the Lord calling home two of our children over the course of this past year, infertility issues, Pop's lung cancer and now the uncertainty of his hip surgery, the Lord has maintained control over our lives, never once yielding even an inch to the enemy.
I love the Natalie Grant song, I Will Not Be Moved! The chorus states, "I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved. I will make mistakes, I will face heart aches, but I will not be moved. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. . .I will not be moved!" I pray daily to be so grounded in my relationship with the Lord that these words will be true of who I am in Him.
How calming it is, when we walk through valleys of uncertainty, to know that we are not walking alone; rather, we are being led through these valleys by a Savior who not only loves us, but who also knows that there is a mountain top just ahead that, once we've reached the summit, we will be able to look back over the valley that we've just crossed through and see it for what it really is. . .just another pit stop on our journey towards eternity!
I am humbled to know that my Savior loves us enough to carry us through these difficult times and to be our ". . .strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped." (Psa. 28:7). Job 13:15 states that, even in the most difficult of times, we are still to praise Him, and I would like to ask that, whosoever may find themselves reading this particular entry, they might pray that my boys and myself would be blessed with the ability to continue to praise our Savior in the midst of the storms that we are facing.
Phil. 1:3
If I had 5 more minutes. . .
Thursday, March 13, 2008
If I had 5 more minutes with my grandfather, I would hug him more. . . I would definitely hold both of his hands and stare at his beautiful blue eyes longer (they used to twinkle). . .I would lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat like I used to when I was a little girl. . .I would ask him to sing "How Great Thou Art" like he did on our road trip my junior year in highschool. . .I would ask him (again) if I had made him proud. . .I would tell him a funny story about his amazing great-grandson that would cause him to erupt with laughter like he used to do. . .I would pray with him (like we used to). . .I would tell him that I love him, and that so much of who I am today is because of who he was to me. . .I would beg him to stay and tell him that I needed him here to help me make important decisions like he had always done. . .I would tell him how my heart ached at the very thought of not having him here to celebrate life's milestones with me. . .and then I would kiss his sweet cheeks and hug him some more.
Happy Birthday, Paw-Paw! I can't wait to see you again!
Love,
Tish
If I had 5 more minutes with my grandfather, I would hug him more. . . I would definitely hold both of his hands and stare at his beautiful blue eyes longer (they used to twinkle). . .I would lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat like I used to when I was a little girl. . .I would ask him to sing "How Great Thou Art" like he did on our road trip my junior year in highschool. . .I would ask him (again) if I had made him proud. . .I would tell him a funny story about his amazing great-grandson that would cause him to erupt with laughter like he used to do. . .I would pray with him (like we used to). . .I would tell him that I love him, and that so much of who I am today is because of who he was to me. . .I would beg him to stay and tell him that I needed him here to help me make important decisions like he had always done. . .I would tell him how my heart ached at the very thought of not having him here to celebrate life's milestones with me. . .and then I would kiss his sweet cheeks and hug him some more.
Happy Birthday, Paw-Paw! I can't wait to see you again!
Love,
Tish
Father, Forgive Me (Once Again)
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Father,
I come to you humble and broken. . .ashamed that I do not consistently give you the credit you are due. I confess that I don't always love you as I should, that I don't trust as deeply as I hope to, and that I doubt your timing more times than I care to admit. . .but you already know these things. . .You knew me before the world began. . . You knew that despite my best efforts I would fail you and daily reveal how very undeserving of you I am. . .so you sent me a Savior!
As a parent, I know what it is to love my child, but I also know the disappointment that I feel when he disobeys my instruction. How many times have I made you feel the same way, Father? How many times have I broken your rules, or laughed in the face of the Greatest Sacrifice that you have made for me?
Thank you for loving me anyway. Thank you that, even though I faulter daily in my faithfulness to you, you NEVER fail in your faithfulness to me. Thank you that even when I doubt, you continue to move. . .MIGHTILY! Thank you for forgiveness! Thank for renewal! Thank you for restoration! Thank you for Jesus. . .Life abundant!
Father,
I come to you humble and broken. . .ashamed that I do not consistently give you the credit you are due. I confess that I don't always love you as I should, that I don't trust as deeply as I hope to, and that I doubt your timing more times than I care to admit. . .but you already know these things. . .You knew me before the world began. . . You knew that despite my best efforts I would fail you and daily reveal how very undeserving of you I am. . .so you sent me a Savior!
As a parent, I know what it is to love my child, but I also know the disappointment that I feel when he disobeys my instruction. How many times have I made you feel the same way, Father? How many times have I broken your rules, or laughed in the face of the Greatest Sacrifice that you have made for me?
Thank you for loving me anyway. Thank you that, even though I faulter daily in my faithfulness to you, you NEVER fail in your faithfulness to me. Thank you that even when I doubt, you continue to move. . .MIGHTILY! Thank you for forgiveness! Thank for renewal! Thank you for restoration! Thank you for Jesus. . .Life abundant!
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